Obsessed

I love clothes, dresses specifically. I never used to. I hated spending anything over 20$ on something. I never spent more than that on shoes either. Enter Modcloth, a wonderful website that literally makes me want to buy everything I see. I bought a 59.99$ pair of boots and I feel really good about it. Their clothes are vintage from 40s to 80s and I promise you will find something you want to buy. They have this thing on until October 31 that if you use this LINK, it will give you 20$ off of a 50$ purchase! Happy shopping!

Relationships

There was a time in my life when all my relationships lasted about 2 weeks. I was good at making guys like me and say the "L" word. Im weird, pretty, and just vulnerable enough that makes guys protective.

I grew up not seeing love, my parents split up when I was really little so I never saw love being good. I only saw it destroy. I know its awful, but it can feel good to destroy someone like that. To take someone, make them love you and break their tiny human heart. Its the whole power to cause pain thing.

Until 7 and a half months ago, I honestly enjoyed repeating the same thing over and over again. There was this one guy, I made fall for me online. Never met him, he's from another country! But its amazing how easy it is to manipulate people with words.

So 8 months ago something happened. I got hurt. On new years eve I was at a party and had been invited by a guy I was sort of seeing and I actually had feelings for him. Just after midnight I asked to see him privately, so I could kiss him. He dumped me by saying I was lovely but... then made the gesture Mr fox says when he says his sons different. Great way to start the new year!

After that I met another guy. He texted me to wish me a Happy New Year. We had gone on one date months earlier and just hadn't seen eachother since. So we started seeing eachother. We've been together since then and I'm not breaking his heart.

Don't get me wrong, relationships are really hard and I want to run as far as I can sometimes. But living and loving with someone will always take work. I love him to pieces.

Chivalry Isn't Dead.

My guy is amazing. He opens doors, defends my honor and I'm sure that if there was a puddle big enough, he'd lay down his jacket.

I've been in a lot of relationships, and seen a lot as well. So I am glad to say, I have one of the good ones.

But chivalry always gets me thinking about my English literature class and knights. In particular,  their code of chivalry.
Take a quick look at this: http://www.middle-ages.org.uk/knights-code-of-chivalry.htm
If men these days were knights... well that would suck actually. At least for them. To not be able to tell a lie (even to spare ones feelings) would suck.

So to the men out there, if you like a girl... open a door for her. Tell her her hair looks as soft as silk and her eyes more radiant than the sun. Be her knight in shining armor and she will be more than happy to be your damsel (but not in distress, there be no dragons here).

Sick of sick

There are times in my life when I feel like the healthiest person in the world.

Thats a lie. As far as I know, nobody will ever feel that good. There's always something that we feel brings us down, whether it be physical or emotional. Currently my physical sickness is making me feel worse than the mental sickness. However, so not enjoying the hallucinations. They tend to contain evil octopi, batladies, pacman, and even the dark all killing and/or maiming me. So needless to say, I feel like shit physically if this is the kind of [temporary] psychosis my mind has resorted to.

It's amazing how long it's taken to write this. I'll be amazed if I can read it in a few days and find that it actually makes sense.

Things that are swollen either from work or being sick:
Glands
Soles of feet (not yours)
Knuckles
Nose

Things that are awesome:
Soup
Lotioned kleenex
Sympathy
Tea
Red vs Blue/Doctor Who
Sweating it out (gross I know)

6 Ways To Unfunk A Bad Day

I find that I get really down and depressed 1 day a week. I don't know if it's just me or everybody is just programmed to fall apart once every week anf they're all just better than me at hiding their one day crazy. So here's a list of things I do to at least try to get out of my funk.

1. Hang out with my Grandmother. She's silly and wonderful and I'm constantly learning new things from her. We are pretty close.

2. Go cleaning crazy. Start in the bottom left corner of the house and clean in zigzags all the way up.

3. Play a video game. Not one where you kill people though. Zombies are acceptable though. Racing games are the best though, especially if you have a steering wheel and pedal for it. But don't play a game you're bad at. It's just bloody frustrating.

4. Start a project like crocheting or a stuffed animal or a painting. Being creative is fun and is a great form of expression.

5. Cook or bake something for whomever you live with (or for yourself). It's satisfying to have created something out of nothing and with baking you have to focus if you dont want to screw up.

6. Go out with a friend or a group of friends. Talking to people is fun and distracting. Join a club or group for that day and make some new friends.

Or you know, blast some crappy music and read a book.

Blow Jobs and Hand Jobs: My How To

So once upon a time, I knew nothing about sexual acts. I always wanted to try things though, I'm pretty open to experimenting with my sexuality. So when I started my first real relationship I wanted to make him happy but I couldn't find any real how tos despite my searching. It made me nervous to try them but i really enjoy doing them now.

HAND JOBS
So there's the head of the penis, which if you've never seen one is shaped like a circular arrow head. Make a circle with your middle finger and thumb just below the head. Move your hand up and down firmly but not squeezing. Change pace occasionally, the quicker you go the faster he'll cum.

BLOW JOBS
Just a heads up, if you intend on swallowing... it tastes like concentrated salt water. But the idea is generally the same, but you sort of suck as you go up and down. Add your hand in sync with your head movements when you get used to it. Be really careful about not biting or scraping his penis with your teeth. You might think its hot but its just mean. If you want to ask first!

Just so you know, no matter what you do, he'll love it. When in doubt, ask him.

Introductions suck but are apparently necessary.

It seems to be increasingly awkward meeting new people. No one makes introductions which seems to leave it to me. This is difficult because I'm shy with strangers, mostly because I have no idea how to interact with new peoplle which makes me an awkward human.
So I stock out my hand and say
"Hi! My name is Aubrey!" The exclamations are accurate because while I may be shy I am not lacking in the enthusiasm department. Then they'll introduce themself and that tends to be where it ends. Sometimes there's something interesting you can talk about for a few minutes but most of my conversations are with myself.

So, hello. My name is Aubrey. I'm 20 and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, and that both frightens and excites me. My life can be anything and go anywhere and I cant wait to share that with you!

I'll try to write at least every Wednesday and Sunday. My topics will range anywhere from music to stereotype to politics to sex. These will be my opinions and I encourage you to challenge them.